“I think she’s off one of her days,” Rachel said just above a whisper to the MBT audience.

Yeah, Susie could hear her, but really, did Rachel have to point out that she was losing her mind? “So today is Thursday, and I might have thought yesterday was Tuesday, which makes me wonder what I was doing on Monday, but that just means that I’ll post my hint to great dialogue on FRIDAY, and our excerpts on Saturday, or Monday, so just calm down, Florida Girl.”

*****

We’re going to be dissecting that ever so riveting dialogue today and tomorrow in MBT… And then, because yes, I might be losing my mind and thinking that this week has 8 days, when it doesn’t, we’ll do our dialogue house calls on Saturday, or maybe Monday. (Oh, I said that already…okay no comments from the house…)

What is Internal Monologue? Should I italicize my reader’s thoughts?

These are two questions I get a lot – because, let’s be honest, it’s confusing, and frankly, every author seems to do it differently.

Here’s my take: If you’re in a characters POV, then every thought, action, feeling, etc, funnels through their brain. If it doesn’t have quotation marks around it, it’s their thoughts. You’d be italicizing the entire page!

Let’s take a closer look:

i.e.: I really don’t want her to leave, because if she does leave I’ll be alone and back where I started. He paced the room, one long march of worry.

If you’re writing in third person, and you put the thoughts in first person, it’s really jarring. If you’re writing in third person, just write the character’s thoughts in third person.

Try: He didn’t want her to leave. Not really. Because then where would he be? He paced the room, one long march of worry.

Do you see the difference? This allows the reader to sympathize with him, in fact, the reader knows him better than he knows himself at this point, which is fun for the reader.

Same goes for things like “He thought, he wondered.” You know who is thinking the thought, so it’s not necessary.

i.e. : Did he really want her to leave? No, he thought.

Try: Did he really want her to leave? No.

What about internal introspection? you ask. I sometimes use it during an epiphany, when a character is remembering something he or she said, or something someone said to them, but even then, I keep the memory in italics, and keep the introspection in thoughts.

not: He always took a good thing and tore it to pieces, he thought about himself.

but: He always took a good thing and tore it to pieces.

And you can give it even more impact by converting interior monologue into a question.

Not: He wondered why he always took a good thing and tore it to pieces.

Better: Why did he always take a good thing and tear it to pieces?

Hint: Limit your internal monologue to within the dialogue scene for the most punch. I really think that internal monologue in the middle of a narrative is confusing if it is italics.

Let’s sum up the differences:

For example:
(original, bad Susie writing).

“I think she’s off one of her days,” Rachel said just above a whisper to the MBT audience.

Rachel was always pointing out that she was losing her mind, Susie thought with a huff. “So today is Thursday, and I might have thought yesterday was Tuesday, which makes me wonder what I was doing on Monday, but that just means that I’ll post my hint to great dialogue on FRIDAY, and our excerpts on Saturday, or Monday, so just calm down, Florida Girl.”

Cleaner:
“I think she’s off one of her days,” Rachel said just above a whisper to the MBT audience.

Rachel was always pointing out that I was losing my mind. “So today is Thursday, and I might have thought yesterday was Tuesday, which makes me wonder what I was doing on Monday, but that just means that I’ll post my hint to great dialogue on FRIDAY, and our excerpts on Saturday, or Monday, so just calm down, Florida Girl,” Susie said with a huff.

Better:
“I think she’s off one of her days,” Rachel said just above a whisper to the MBT audience.

Rachel was always pointing out that she was losing her mind. “So today is Thursday, and I might have thought yesterday was Tuesday, which makes me wonder what I was doing on Monday, but that just means that I’ll post my hint to great dialogue on FRIDAY, and our excerpts on Saturday, or Monday, so just calm down, Florida Girl.”

Best:

“I think she’s off one of her days,” Rachel said just above a whisper to the MBT audience.

Yeah, Susie could hear her, but really, did Rachel always have to point out that she was losing her mind? “So today is Thursday, and I might have thought yesterday was Tuesday, which makes me wonder what I was doing on Monday, but that just means that I’ll post my hint to great dialogue on FRIDAY, and our excerpts on Saturday, or Monday, so just calm down, Florida Girl.”

See how the voice gets stronger, more intimate each time?

And here’s a final caveat:
Good internal thought should be interspersed lightly, but be only the thoughts the pov character would think. Same goes with tone of voice – sparingly, but with impact. Your tone of voice is actually an extension of the thoughts, so often, it’s not even necessary. Also, one of the fun parts of interspersing IM, is that your character can be saying one thing, and thinking something totally different…and his tone of voice can also convey that.

Think of internal monologue as the truth he’s thinking.

Don’t forget to send us your dialogue dilemmas – Rachel and I (WHO ARE NOT FIGHTING, btw. Whenever she tells me I’m losing my mind, she always says it directly. *grin*) will work on them and post asap. The victims/courageous ones who so generously give of themselves for others will be rewarded on earth with a preview copy of Wiser than Serpents, my new book, hot off the shelves at the end of the month! Submit to: booktherapy@susanmaywarren.com