by Jeanne Takenaka, @JeanneTakenaka
Show of hands: how many of us have gotten tripped up by comparing ourselves to others in our lives?
In 2019, I attended a writer’s conference. I arrived confident and excited to pitch my story to editors and agents. But in less than a day, I’d fallen into the trap of comparing myself to others. Why had I been writing for so long and seemed to have made no forward progress while friends who began writing after me were multi-published and moving on in their careers?
Self-condemning thoughts colored my entire conference experience. My moods, attitudes, and words all reflected the struggle of believing in my value as a writer.
I’m guessing I’m not the only one who’s succumbed to this defeating condition.
What happens when comparing ourselves to others
Comparison sneaks into our thoughts in many ways. As writers, it’s easy to slide into comparing where we’re at on our writing journey and where someone else is. Especially if they began writing after we did.
Negative emotions crop up in our thoughts and hearts when we compare ourselves with others.
Guilt
Remorse
Insecurity
Defeat
And more.
These thoughts and emotions can lead to anxiety and depression. If we open up space for these emotions in our hearts, they color every aspect of our lives.
How we can stop comparing ourselves to others
1. First, we must shift our mindsets. This only happens when we’re honest with God. It’s humbling. We must:
- Admit our struggle to see our worth through His eyes.
- Ask God for help with seeing ourselves the way He does—through eyes of love.
- Determine what in our lives encourages us to compare ourselves negatively.
- Understand what our strengths are and thank God for them. Focus on these rather than on our weaknesses.
2. When comparing and belittling thoughts enter our minds, speak the truth. This may mean deciding in advance which truth we’ll speak to counter those thoughts.
3. Pray for help.
4. We need to ask God for His perspective. The Bible verse I often return to is Isaiah 55:8-9, which says:
“‘For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,’ says the Lord.
‘For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts.’”
Remembering that God’s ways are higher than our ways transforms our focus and our understanding. When we trust that God has a plan for what He allows—or doesn’t allow—in our writing lives, we’ve shifted our focus off others and onto our Father, who loves us more than anyone.
When we’re tempted to compare ourselves with other writers, remember God is working in their lives just as He’s working in ours. We don’t see what’s going on behind the curtains of their lives. That’s between God and them.
Conclusion
Looking back at that writing conference, I missed opportunities to step outside of myself and encourage others. Instead, I threw a pity party with comparison as the guest of honor. I was so wrapped up in my unhealthy thoughts that I couldn’t enjoy the conference. Yuck.
God teaches each of us individualized lessons as we walk out our callings with Him. Is it sometimes painful, hard, discouraging? YES.
But He works in the disappointments, both conforming us into the image of Jesus and preparing us to write more authentically for His glory. God knows our next steps. And some of them will probably be amazing. The next time we’re tempted to compare ourselves with others, let’s turn our focus on God instead, remembering He is working in places we can’t see.
Award-winning, aspiring novelist and blogger Jeanne Takenaka writes contemporary fiction that highlights how faith and grace hold hands in relationships with people and with God. She, her husband, and two boy-men call Colorado home. She loves being a God-seeker, hanging out with friends, and savoring oat milk lattés. When she’s not writing, you can find her, camera in hand, searching for #alittlebitofpretty. She’s a member of ACFW and Novel Academy.