The real reason behind our behaviors…


I hope you had a fantastic 4th of July weekend! We attended a family reunion in Iowa, then drove the two hours home listening to an encouraging video by Glenn Beck (Restoring Hope) and watching dozens of private firework displays on the horizon. It reminded me of how our country is made up of individuals…and how as writers we’re each trying to be lights in the darkness.

Sunday, we dove again into our home repair projects. We have this ugly entry way arch over our door, and my brilliant idea was to line it with tongue and groove wood and stain it.

I thought…I’ll use the gel stain I used on the garage door. I like how that turned out, and I have some left…

(Here’s a diy tip—it’s better to use standard stain on raw wood…)

So, it was about 212 degrees outside, and my project was right in the sun, and my stain was drying too fast to wipe it off correctly, and I kept getting knocked in the head by the overhead light…and then, my husband had the gall to ask to use my ladder.

Seriously, right? (Talk about fireworks…)

Poor guy. He was trying to paint the side of the house (he did a great job!)

But I was angry because my staining project stunk, and I was just making things worse by trying to fix it…and well, good thing I’m married to a very patient man.

(Here it is. As you can see, the stain is very uneven and the pixs don’t do the wretchedness properly, but trust me on this… BTW, the battle isn’t over. I hate it, but that’s often how it is with a first draft, right?) )

There were words. Silence. Frustration. Apologies.

My husband (who is wise and kind) said…what are you really upset about?

I went inside to get a drink of water and stood there trying to figure out where all that came from, and realized he was right…it wasn’t the stain I was upset about.

I was upset about the fact that, despite our efforts, we were not going to be allowed into Italy in 3 weeks to attend our son’s wedding. And I was devastated. Underneath everything, I was just grieving the loss of this hope.

And what does that have to do with writing?

When we’re writing emotions, our characters very rarely display their root emotion (in this case, grief) first. Most often, it’s an ancillary emotion. Anger. Frustration. And it comes out in impatience, or annoyance…or whatever feels easier at the moment.

Write THAT scene. Write THAT emotion. Write THAT behavior.

It’ll be a clue to the deeper emotion that you can uncover later. But more importantly, it makes your character real. Especially our male characters, right? (because it takes them a bit longer to get to their core emotions).

If we’re trying to write authentic characters…you need to write authentic behaviors.

It’s not about the stain. Or maybe it is about the stain. But it’s also about something deeper. Keep looking…

Keep writing.

(isn’t writing fun? We get to learn about ourselves as we learn about our characters!)

Your story matters! Go! Write something brilliant!

P.S. We have a fantastic $7 bundle for July! How to write a brilliant first line; Fast Draft Tips and Tricks and How to have a book launch party! Check it out here.

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