One of the greatest disappointment challenges we face as writers is that of self-esteem. If your great story is rejected, criticized or questioned, it can eat away at your sense of self worth until you conclude you’re a bad person.

It’s important that you love the one you’re with: YOU! You’re with you more than anyone on the planet…yes even Aunt Bessie who follows you into the bathroom. You have to guard your beliefs so that rejection doesn’t equal bad person. It’s a common malady but there are things you can do to help. Here are what I consider the top five:

Hold a pity party! No, you didn’t misread that. For 11 minutes and 43 seconds, party hearty. Mumble and grumble about how unfair life is and how disappointed that you didn’t get the win. Get it off your chest, but once that 11:43 is up, the party’s over. Done. Finished. History. Gone forever… you get the point.

Affirm yourself. You are a lot of really great things. A wonderful spouse, parent, writer, knitter, tennis player… whatever. You need tell yourself these things when you’re not in a place of disappointment. Yes, right out loud. Go ahead. You’ll feel better.

Make a list. You may have just received disappointing news, but you also have experienced many, many successes and wins in your life. Right now—today—make a list of all of those things. When disappointment hits, you’ll be able to pull out the list and remind yourself of your achievements.

Predetermine Your Destiny. Life is full of disappointments but they should not stand in the way of living your dreams. You are in control of your life. Where do you want to go? What do you want to accomplish? Being sure of that will not allow disappointment to sideline you.

Get back in the saddle. So you fell off the horse and ate disappointment dirt. It’s all part of the rodeo. Don’t think you’re not a good cowboy because life bucked you off. Do you think champion bull riders got that big belt buckle because they never got bucked off? Ummm… no. They just stayed on longer than the other riders. You do the same. Dust off your jeans, GET BACK IN THE SADDLE and ride that bucking bronc again… and again.

If you do these steps now, when disappointment hits, you’ll be able to love the one you’re with and win at writing, and at life.

Do you love the one you’re with? How do you show that to yourself?

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Reba J. Hoffman is a natural encourager and Member Care Coach at My Book Therapy. She holds a Ph.D. in Clinical Counseling and is the founder of Magellan Life Coaching (www.magellanlifecoaching.com). She is the author of Dare to Dream, a Writer’s Journal published by My Book Therapy. She also publishes a motivational and encouraging blog, FindingTrue North. Contact Reba at reba@magellanlifecoaching.com.