Last week we talked about fool’s gold and not being attracted to bright, shiny objects. Today we’re going to journey in the opposite direction because I coach individuals all the time who fall into this trap. It goes something like this:

You spend nights and weekends at the keyboard pouring your best efforts into creating the manuscript you just know will be a New York Times Best Seller. You save your pennies to register for a writer’s conference and practice your elevator speech until you recite it in your sleep.

An agent and editor both want to see the manuscript so you run back to your hotel room you couldn’t afford and press the “send” button. Then you wait. You don’t want to leave your room to attend the workshop on characterization, just in case they want to ask questions. You head home wishing you’d gotten a contract while at the conference but you’re happy they were smart enough to want to get first dibs on your breakthrough novel.

Weeks go by and your hourly trip to the empty email box haunts you. You don’t work on your craft or start a new book. You simply can’t concentrate. Finally, the email comes and you call your family, friends, the dog and the neighbor’s cat and gerbil to read the terms of your new contract. You fantasize about signing stacks of copies of your book for fans. Suddenly, your throat constricts and tears gush from wide eyes. Rejected!

You send the neighbor home with their rodent and fling yourself onto your bed in agony. Finally, you bury yourself in the back of your closet, never to be seen or heard from again. Why? You smitten by a terminal case of “If Only I Could…”

If only I could is as deadly is cancer. It will completely destroy your life, your dreams and your self-esteem. If left unchecked, it will spread like a wildfire on a prairie, scorching your relationships, your hopes and your dreams.

Don’t let it happen to you. Here are a few things you can do in order to avoid this deadly dream killer:

1)   Remember that, while you don’t have control over some things that happen in life, you have complete, total control over how you react to it. It’s true. You’re in the driver’s seat. Decide now that when negative reports come, you’re going to keep moving forward.

2)   Failing at something, including publication, is not necessarily reflective of your ability as a writer. Agents and Editors have a tough and demanding job. Sometimes they can’t accept your brilliant work. It’s possible they just miss a great opportunity. Doesn’t mean you need to throw your computer across the room.

3)   It’s all about the journey. I know I mentioned this last week but I cannot say it enough. It’s NOT about the destination. The richness in life and publication is all about the journey. Don’t get so focused and star struck with seeing your book in Barnes and Noble that you forget to enjoy the treasures that are scattered along the journey.

Making the mistake of changing points of view in a chapter is fixable. No problem. But recovering from a terminal case of “If only I could…” might be impossible. The disease is entirely preventable and you have complete control over that. So, choose to NOT suffer from it at all.

What are some areas where you’ve gotten caught up in thinking, wow, if only I could do __________? I’d love to hear from you. Email me at reba@mybooktherapy.com. I look forward to hearing from you!

Reba J. Hoffman is the MBT Member Care Coach. She has a PhD in clinical counseling and is the founder and president of New Hope Institute of Counseling. Reba uses her gift of encouragement to help writers overcome negative emotions so they can live their dream of being a writer. Her works appear in publications such as Running for the Woman’s Soul by Road Runner Sports and The Good Fight by Donna Hicken. She is the author of My Book Therapy’s Dare to Dream, a Writer’s Journal. Contact her at reba@mybooktherapy.com.