I spend a lot of time “dating” my characters. I ask questions, delve into their back story. I write bios, dream up their greatest fears and secret dreams.

I consider the lies they believe about themselves, life and God. I figure out eye and hair color, height and fashion sense. What car do they drive and why? Where do they live? Alone? With a friend? With family? Whose died? How many broken hearts? Any major disasters that still drills holes in their hearts?

With Susie May, I figure out the characters’ basic story journey. We answer story questions. I send them to college, give them a career.

Sighing with satisfaction, I begin writing. “This story rocks”

Half way into page one, I’m bogged down in story sludge.”This story stinks!”

I’ve just moved from the romance stage of my story, the pretending and dreaming, the “talking on the phone” and “emailing” to actually meeting up with my characters face to face. And nothing is like I imagined.

It’s like dating on e-Harmony. Two potential lovers spend hours discussing who they are and why. They email. Then call on the phone. Eventually… Skype. All things are feeling good, personalities jiving, likes and dislikes on a level playing field. He hates chick flicks but can endure. She in turn agrees a Van Diesel movie might not make her break out in hives.

After months of an online, on-the-phone relationship, they agree to meet. Love is in the air. So excited. This is IT. The best ever.

They arrive separately and meet at the restaurant. Wow, she’s taller than five seven. Why did she wear those heels? Didn’t she remember he was only five nine?

He said he went to the gym every day. What’d he do, sit in the lounge area? No discernible muscles. And the mini pot belly is a sure sign of a beer love affair. Or waaayy too much time with the Playstation. He’s not one of those is he? He never mentioned it.

She was so lively on Skype and the phone. Since ordering, she’s not said two words. And when he suggested a seafood appetizer, she wrinkled her nose. “I’m not really into seafood.”

“But you said you loved it when we were talking about fishing.”

“Oh, really? I did. I don’t remember.”

Hmm, okay, things change. Perceptions are not always right. When she suggests the latest Matthew McConaughey movie, he sighs. “Sure.” So, he’s not so willing after all.

And what, he didn’t actually finish his degree at Ohio State?

The night ends with disappointment and the temptation to quit and start all over again. With another e-Harmonyite. Maybe the daters wonder if they are EVER bound for love.

So goes it with our characters. We start writing and realize we don’t know them like we thought. The dialog is pat and boring, the setting not alive. We wanted her to be aggressive and confident but once we  consider the story more, she’s really kind of reserved and hesitant.

Or, oh now wait, I already wrote a character like that and I can’t do it again.

Like dating on e-Harmony where you never really know if you’re compatible until you spend time together, face-to-face, fictional characters never come to life until we start writing. Often, they are not what we imagined. Often, our planned story doesn’t work well with our planned character.

To be sure, we have way more control over our characters than an e-Harmony date, but we still have to face the pain of meeting them “live” and on the “page.”

Hang in there. e-Harmony claims to have successfully matched thousands of couples. I know a few myself. Keep writing and working with you characters. Give them a bit of room to breath and come to life. You’ll discover a great story inside them.