Doctor’s Notes: Passive Writing

I’m reading a book by Francine Prose called, “Reading Like a Writer.” While her focus is large literary and academic, Prose caught my eye with many of the excerpts she chose from renown writers like Hemingway, Virginia Wolf and Rebecca West, among others.

What stood out to me? Passive writing.

Here’s a snippet from Rebecca West: He could not see her. She was sitting on the bottom of the step, and she was content that it should be so, as otherwise he would have told her either to sit up straight or not so straight. His criticism was not so urgent as other people’s was apt to be, but it was continuous.

This short piece is from the middle of a longer paragraph with much of the same phrasing: it was, had been, had, known, should’ve been, etc.

Another aspect of Prose’s excerpt choice intrigued me. One writer’s work contained four or five sentences in a row that started with “she” or “it.”

I thought the paragraph would make a great example for a rewriting workshop.

Yet, here’s what intrigued me. The peace of the writing. I felt like I could breath while reading. The sentence structure and phrasing set the stage for me. I could feel and see the scene. The wording became almost lyrical.

While we’ve worked hard in modern fiction writing to avoid passive phrases and tell our stories with an active voice, we must also understand when it’s time to take a break, drop back in the race, and allow the reader to catch his or her breath.

Write a scene that’s slow, soft, a little passive. It will add music and beauty to your story. Maybe not a whole paragraph, but a sentence or two in the middle of a scene.

Or, in a sequel after a fast paced, tense scene, move your protagonist into a restaurant or home where he can sit and ponder the world. It’s a great place for a little passive musing.

As you read, note passive writing. Is it elegant and helpful, or just sloppy? Can you rewrite the sentence in an active voice and get the same feeling and meaning? If you can, rewrite. If you can’t, leave it alone.

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