Let’s talk. Dialog. My passion.
When I was a preteen, my friends and I created worlds where we were scientist, teachers, single women living in a loft in Minneapolis. (Mary Tyler Moore anyone?) Weight Walkers, our twelve year old version of Weight Watchers.
We played out our scenarios in my friend’s basement. In our bedrooms. Outside, riding our bikes. (The Weight Walkers version of make believe.)
And without a doubt, the only way our pretend world worked was with dialog. We could motion, gesture, observe each other, pass notes, write on the chalk board and speed past one another on our bikes calling out, “race you!” and never created a make believe world.
We had to make up dialog. We had to become characters in our play world. This is such a critical part of story telling oral or written. The power is in the words.
DIALOG
I have a saying: “Tell the story between the quotes.” If you are delivering key information or thoughts outside the quotes, you are only pandering to the reader. “Watch this, I’ll keep all the other characters in the dark. You and I are the only ones who know what’s wrong with the heroine.”
Tension is NOT telling the reader the hero has a felony record while NOT telling the heroine. Where’s the tension in that? If I, the reader, already know, what is to keep me turning the pages? Maybe, I guess, to see what the heroine does when she finds out, but I want to GASP with her.
Dialog reveals the character’s personality. Through them, the reader learns the story. Dialog is used to create tension. Dialog is created and specific.
Phrases like Hi, how are you, okay, thank you, please, I don’t know is NOT dialog. (More on subtexting later.) Here’s what I see a lot.
Her cell rang. It was Tom. “Hello?” She told him not to call her.
“You’re not answering your phone,” he said.
“The ringer was off.” She exhaled. Does he expect her to believe he was only talking with Jane?
“Aren’t you going to tell me what’s wrong?”
“I can’t talk.” If he didn’t know, she wasn’t going to tell him.
END
ALL THE GOOD STUFF IS OUTSIDE THE QUOTES. Why? Who is the author/character talking to? Why is the character keeping her best material in her head? Let’s try it again.
Her cell rang. It was Tom. “I thought I told you not to call me.”
“And I said I wasn’t going to stop calling until you told me what was bugging you.” he said.
“You can be so obtuse.” She exhaled. “I saw you with Jane.”
“Saw me doing what? Helping her carry food? Iris, come on, this is stupid.”
“Exactly.” She pressed End and tossed the phone to the bed.
END
Repeat after me: Dialog and action. Dialog and action. 🙂 Like a movie. Keep internal thought to what’s going on before she answers the phone or the door. To what SHE ABSOLUTELY CANNOT SAY OUT LOUD. But wait, hold on! If you keep her thoughts at minimum, are you upping the tension? Yes.
Let the story unfold for the reader as it unfolds for the characters. If you were following Jane around, and she was bound and determined to keep her love for Tom a secret, we’d NEVER hear her internal thoughts. We’d only know her feelings as she shared them with friends, or Tom.
Recap: Create dialog to be specific. Cut responsive dialog like hi, okay, I don’t know. Tell the story between the Quotes. It creates stronger banter.
SUBTEXTING
This is the time when you might say I don’t know or whatever, or hey. This is when the characters act one way, but speak another. If Jane is really mad at Tom, she may greet him with quipping statements when he comes in the door.
She looked up when Tom entered. “Hey.”
“Sorry I’m late.” He bent to kiss her cheek.
She turned away, flipping the page of her magazine. “No problem.”
END
Clearly, there’s a problem. 🙂 She’s acting one way, saying another.
But how can we enhance this subtext scene?
She looked up when Tom entered. “You’re late.”
“Got stuck in the parking lot talking to Liz Bartly.” He bent to kiss her cheek.
She turned away, flipping the page of her magazine. “What’d she want?”
END
This conversation is prime to launch us into a key argument. She’s asked a question. He has to answer. In our first example, we were about to spend two pages ping ponging between “what’s wrong” and “nothing.” By the end, the reader is more irritated than entertained.
Yes, those are real scenarios. But are they the BEST for fiction? Probably not. Let’s get to the meat of the situation. Go straight for tension.
This is new for me and I’ve really started incorporating this theory in the last few books, but let’s make even the subtext count.
TALKING HEADS
Talking heads is when you have a string of dialog without names, speaker attributes, or action tags. So the reader gets lost. Talking heads are an easy fix. Use the character’s name. Add a he said, or she said. Move the characters around.
She walked across the room. He reached for the remote.
Long strings of dialog can have a mix of name, speaker attribute and movement. Sometimes, action just gets silly. If two people are sitting on the sofa talking, once one reaches for the remote and the other tucks a blanket around her legs, what else can they do throughout the course of the conversation? Move them around too much and they look like they have ants in their pants. Have a sigh, or staring out the window, or flipping channels.
Have fun! Dialog away.