By Tara Johnson, @TaraMinistry
“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.”
A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens
“Call me Ishmael.”
Moby-Dick or, the Whale by Herman Melville
“It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen.”
1984 by George Orwell
There’s nothing that sets mood, reveals character, raises intrigue, and invites readers into your story like a power-packed opening.
When I was editing my latest release All Through the Night, I studied the first chapter, sensing something was off. Turning to my bookcase, I grabbed the newest story I was dying to read. Becoming Mrs. Lewis by Patti Callahan.
I flipped to the first page.
“From the beginning it was the Great Lion who brought us together.”
Becoming Mrs. Lewis by Patti Callahan
That’s a great line.
I reached for Pride and Prejudice.
“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.”
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
I yanked volume after volume off my shelves to examine each book’s opening lines and turned to stare at the first page of my story.
That’s what was missing. An intriguing opening.
All Through the Night originally opened up like this:
“Cadence Piper walked down the darkened street, breath ragged.”
It tells the reader nothing about Cadence or invokes curiosity.
The rewrite:
“’Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me.’ I will fear no evil. I will fear no evil…Cadence Piper walked down the darkened street, clutching her reticule to her middle.”
Your opening sentence is what draws the reader in, without giving away too much of the story. It’s a curiosity provoker, an open invitation to discover more.
A great opening line should:
- Raise curiosity (aka Baiting the Hook)
- Establish genre
- Display your voice (your distinct fingerprint)
- Twist expectations (use the element of surprise)
- Set up what’s ahead
- Be memorable
The lovely thing about power-packing the opening sentence of your story, and each chapter, is there’s a variety of sentences to choose from.
- Action sentence.
This should point to something intrinsically important to the character’s situation, or hint at the conflict that is coming.
Example:
“When the phone rang, Parker was in the garage, killing a man.”
Richard Stark, Firebreak
- Character Sentence.
This tells us more than our character’s name: it reveals what they value.
Example:
“When the blind man arrived in the city, he claimed that he had traveled across a desert of living sand.”
Kevin Brockmeier, A Brief History of the Dead
- Dialogue
Dialogue immediately pulls the reader into the thick of the action. Note of warning: be careful to quickly establish who is speaking and give the reader some sense of time and place.
Example:
“He speaks in your voice, American, and there’s a shine in his eyes that’s halfway hopeful.”
Don DeLillo, Underworld
- Thought
This is highly effective when done well. The higher the stakes, the more desperate, or quirky, or shocking the thought.
Example:
“Don’t fail. Tonight of all nights, don’t fail.”
Tara Johnson, Engraved on the Heart
- Statement
This is the broadest yet creatively diverse of all. It can be self-deprecating, philosophical, humorous, or mysterious, as long as it fits the tone and premise of your story.
Example:
“I’ll make my report as if I told a story, for I was taught as a child on my homework that Truth is a matter of the imagination.”
Ursula K. Le Guin, The Left Hand of Darkness
Example:
“All children, except one, grow up.”
J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan
- World-Building
This transports the reader into a new place. It can be a galaxy far, far away, or to the peaceful shores of Prince Edward Island.
Example:
“Far out into the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm of the Galaxy, lies a small, unregarded yellow sun.”
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
Take the current opening line of your WIP and rewrite it in all six of these sentence types. You may be surprised how much it changes.
When in doubt, don’t be afraid to start with a classic.
“Once upon a time…”
With her stammering tongue and quiet ways, Cadence Piper has always struggled to be accepted. After the death of her mother, Cadence sets her heart on becoming a nurse, both to erase the stain her brother has left on the family’s honor and to find long-sought approval in the eyes of her father. When Dorothea Dix turns her away due to her young age and pretty face, Cadence finds another way to serve . . . singing to the soldiers in Judiciary Square Hospital. Only one stubborn doctor stands in her way.
Joshua Ivy is an intense man with a compassionate heart for the hurting and downtrodden. The one thing he can’t have is an idealistic woman destroying the plans he’s so carefully laid. When the chaos of war thrusts Cadence into the middle of his clandestine activities, he must decide if the lives at stake, and his own heart, are worth the risk of letting Cadence inside.
Everything changes when Joshua and Cadence unearth the workings of a secret society so vile, the course of their lives, and the war, could be altered forever. If they fight an enemy they cannot see, will the One who sees all show them the way in the darkest night?
Tara Johnson is an author and speaker, and loves to write stories that help people break free from the lies they believe about themselves. Tara’s debut novel Engraved on the Heart (Tyndale) earned a starred review from Publishers Weekly, and was a finalist in the Carol and Christy awards. In addition to being published in a variety of digital and print magazines, she has been a featured guest on Voice of Truth radio, Enduring Word radio, television and podcasts. She is a history nerd, especially the Civil War, and adores making people laugh. She, her husband, and children live in Arkansas.