by Christina Miller, @CLMillerbooks

We all want our readers to fly through the pages of our books without awkward or confusing lines to slow them down. Often, we accomplish this on the sentence level.

Today I’ll share six tips for improving our sentences. (Examples are from my new Love Inspired book, which I signed a contract for today. Praise Jesus!)

1. Improve the sentence’s flow by keeping the subject and verb as close together as possible. This helps the reader stay focused on the action. If we put too many words between the subject and the verb, our readers might forget what’s going on. 

Bad Example #1 (with subject and verb separated by a lot of words): The door opened and Pastor David Alston, his quad cane in one hand and his ever-present black Bible in the other, shuffled into the foyer.

Better (subject and verb together): The door opened and Pastor David Alston shuffled into the foyer, his quad cane in one hand and his ever-present black Bible in the other.

Bad Example #2 (with subject and verb separated by a lot of words): At that moment, Abe, even though it meant lifelong contact with Rosemary, vowed to become part of his daughter’s life, never to let her be alone, never let her feel fatherless again. Even though they lived half a continent apart. (The first sentence is also way too long, which we will fix in the “better” example.)

Better (subject and verb together): At that moment, Abe vowed to become part of his daughter’s life, never to let her be alone, never let her feel fatherless again. Even though it meant lifelong contact with Rosemary, and even though they lived half a continent apart. 

2. Cut back long sentences. Extra-long sentences slow the pace and hinder clarity. A good rule of thumb is to limit most sentences to thirty words or less. We do that by cutting words from the sentence or cutting the sentence in two. 

Bad example #3 (too many words): Rosemary knew that, for Abe’s sake, as well as his mother’s, she had to make sure all of them knew this would be only a temporary relationship, and not just for now, but as long as her father was still alive.

Better (fewer words): For Abe’s family’s sake, Rosemary had to make sure all of them knew this would be a temporary relationship as long as Daddy was alive.

Bad example #4 (too many words): Grannie pulled her blender from the cabinet, plugged it in and opened the refrigerator, then added blueberries, strawberries, spinach and jars of who-knew-what kinds of supplement powders, along with almond milk, into the blender jar.

Better (fewer words): Grannie pulled her blender from the cabinet, plugged it in and opened the refrigerator. Then she added blueberries, strawberries, spinach and jars of who-knew-what kinds of supplement powders, along with almond milk, into the blender jar.

3. Keep verb forms together. This is a small change that improves the sentence’s flow. I’ll use italics to show the verb forms we should keep together.

Bad example #5 (verb forms separated): Rosemary shoved an impulse to reach out to him down, to assure Abe he was no longer the fatherless little boy who’d had to accept handouts from his community.

Better (verb forms together): Rosemary shoved down an impulse to reach out to him, to assure Abe he was no longer the fatherless little boy who’d had to accept handouts from his community.

Bad example #6 (verb forms separated): After an hour and a half of spotting Daddy during his balance and footwork exercises and helping him with punching bags and sparring, Rosemary peeled his red boxing gloves and black liners off.

Better (verb forms together): After an hour and a half of spotting Daddy during his balance and footwork exercises and helping him with punching bags and sparring, Rosemary peeled off his red boxing gloves and black liners.

4. Delete the clutter. If we add field daisies to a vase of a dozen roses, the daisies distract us from the beauty of the roses. Likewise, unnecessary words can diminish the impact of the sentence. (Disclaimer: I prefer a bouquet of field daisies over roses.)

Bad example #7 (cluttered) : Her father then gave her that familiar, blank Parkinson’s stare that always made him look emotionless, as if he didn’t even care anymore.

Better (clutter free): Her father gave her that blank Parkinson’s stare that made him look as if he didn’t care.

Bad example #8 (cluttered): She smelled exactly the same as he remembered she had the last time he’d seen her—a sweet scent she’d always called orange blossom.

Better (clutter free): She smelled the same as the last time he’d seen her—a sweet scent she’d called orange blossom.

5. Cut unnecessary prepositional phrases. They water down the sentence and slow the pace. They also add unnecessary bulk to a sentence. A good rule of thumb is to use no more than three prepositional phrases in most sentences. We can either cut some or divide the long sentence into two.

Bad example #9 (too many phrases): He smashed the plastic bottles into the can to his right and headed for the front desk in the open-concept office, where his barely-eighteen-year-old receptionist couldn’t seem to look up from the phone in her hand.

Better (fewer phrases): He smashed the plastic bottles into the can and headed for the front desk, where his barely-eighteen-year-old receptionist couldn’t seem to look up from her phone.

Bad example # 10 (too many phrases): For a second, Abe’s eyes took on that emotion she used to see on occasion, back in grade school—a raw look, as if his shame lay just below the surface. 

Better (fewer phrases): For a second, Abe’s eyes took on that emotion she used to see on occasion, back in grade school. A raw look, as if his shame lay just below the surface. 

6. Put strong words at the end. Angela Hunt teaches that the last word in the sentence is the most important, the second word is next, and the middle is the least important. Using a powerful word at the end can help the reader to have an equally powerful emotional experience. 

Bad example #11 (weaker word at the end): Rosemary had always known she’d need to tell Abe about Georgia someday, but it if Daddy hadn’t fallen, she wouldn’t have told him today.

Better (power word at the end): Rosemary had always known she’d need to tell Abe about Georgia someday, but it wouldn’t have been today if Daddy hadn’t fallen.

Bad example #12 (weaker word at the end): “As soon as I discovered I was pregnant, I left town.”

Better (power word at the end): I left town as soon as I discovered I was pregnant.”

Use these six techniques to improve your sentences and keep your reader turning those pages!

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An Inconvenient Marriage

Widowed reverend Samuel Montgomery is excited to start over with his daughter in Natchez, Mississippi—until he learns he’ll lose his job if he doesn’t marry. His solution: a marriage in name only to heiress Clarissa Adams, who needs a husband to win her inheritance. Though the beautiful music teacher will make a good wife, Samuel doubts he can ever truly capture her heart.

Marriage satisfies only the first provision of Clarissa’s grandfather’s will, which pits her against her cousin. And fulfilling the remaining stipulations won’t be easy between caring for Samuel’s rebellious daughter and managing an orphanage. But Samuel seems determined to stand by her side…and maybe even prove their marriage could be more than just convenient.

Author Christina Miller’s idea of a perfect day involves a southern beach, a stack of books, and a glass of sweet tea. Ten years ago, she left her job as an RN to work in the church her husband pastors. She also became a writer—and sometimes she gets to work on the beach.

Christina is a Bethany Global University (Bloomington, Minnesota) graduate with degrees in theology and missiology, a church secretary, worship leader, and children’s ministry teacher. When she doesn’t have her nose in a book or her toes in the sand, you might catch her visiting an antebellum mansion, opening her early-American home for Dinner Church, or teaching at a women’s conference. Christina lives on her family farm with her husband of thirty-two years and Sugar, their talking dog.