by Patricia Bradley, @PTBradley1

I love figures of speech like metaphors and similes, malapropos, paraprosdokians–—wait a minute. A para-what? 

McMillan Dictionary defines a paraprosdokian as a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reinterpret the first part. Here are some famous paraprosdokians:

“If I agreed with you, then we’d both be wrong.” Attributed to Winston Churchill who loved paraprosdokians.

“If there’s a will, I want to be in.”

“In filling out an application, where it says, ‘In case of emergency, notify:’ I put “DOCTOR.”

“Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.”

“War does not determine who is right…only who is left.”

“I used to be indecisive. Not I’m not sure.”

“I’ve had perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.”

“Mark my words. Seriously, Mark, I need my words.”

“A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.”

“I’m supposed to respect my elders, but now it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one.”

“You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.”

“The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it’s still on my list.” 

“There’s a fine line between cuddling and… holding someone down so they can’t get away.”

“I thought I wanted a career. Turns out, I just wanted paychecks.”

Now for famous Malapropos or as I knew it, Malaprops: 

Here’s the definition of malapropism from Your Dictionary: the act of using an incorrect word in place of one that is similar in pronunciation. The word comes from a character named Mrs. Malaprop in the play “The Rivals” by Richard Brinsley Sheridan. Malapropism is also referred to as Dogberryism, named after Officer Dogberry in Shakespeare’s “Much Ado About Nothing.” Both characters made these speech errors.

The police are not here to create disorder, they’re here to preserve disorder.” – Richard Daley, former mayor of Chicago

“He was a man of great statue.” – Thomas Menino, mayor of Boston

“Texas has a lot of electrical votes.” (electoral votes) – Yogi Berra

“Well, that was a cliff-dweller.” (cliff-hanger) – Wes Westrum

“Be sure and put some of those neutrons on it.” (croutons) – Mike Smith

“It’s got lots of installation.” (insulation) – Mike Smith speaking about a new coat

“Create a little dysentery among the ranks.” (dissension) – Christopher Moltisanti from “The Sopranos”

“This is unparalyzed in the state’s history.” (unparelled) – Gib Lewis, Texas Speaker of the House

So what’s the purpose of these figures of speech for a writer? I love to give secondary characters one of these traits. It lightens the story and makes for a memorable character. You don’t have to limit it to the two I’ve mentioned here. A character who always mixes his metaphors is fun to write as well.

So what’s your favorite figure of speech? Can you come up with a paraprosdokian or malapropos?

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JUSTICE DELIVERED

Carly Smith came by her trust issues honestly. A victim of sex trafficking, she’s been at the mercy of merciless men, ignored by law enforcement officers who should have helped her, and seemingly rejected by her family. She can’t even trust herself to do the right thing. Though she escaped her captors and is working hard on building a new life, the past continues to haunt her when she discovers that the man she couldn’t bring herself to report to police for fear of reliving her captivity is still out there, luring vulnerable girls under the guise of being a modeling agent.

When her own niece is kidnapped, Carly must overcome her fears and come forward with the information she has before it’s too late. When that proves to be not enough, she’ll have to go after the perpetrators herself.

Winner of an Inspirational Readers’ Choice Award in Suspense and a 2018 Carol finalist, Patricia Bradley lives in North Mississippi with her rescue kitty, Suzy. Her romantic suspense books include the Logan Point series and the Memphis Cold Case Novels. She also has written sweet romances for Harlequin Heartwarming available as e-books.