by Alena Tauriainen, writing as Alena Wendall, @AlenaWendall

The first time someone told me, “use your pain,” I gave them a look. You know, the one that says, “You’ve got to be kidding me!” My pain is personal. No way would I write that for the world to read. Bad enough at every family get-together my siblings have to recount my most embarrassing moments.

I was reminded that some of our most important lessons in life are learned through pain. Now, of course, I prefer the happier moments.

Take a moment with me. Get that cup of coffee, tea or pop. Grab a blank sheet of paper or your iPad, laptop etc. and think of the following life moments and jot them down.

Ask yourself:

• What caused it?
• What was your internal response?
• What was your most dominant thought?
• What physical action did you take?
• Most embarrassing moment as a child, a teenager, an adult, a mom/dad/aunt/cousin/friend?
• Most stupendously happy moment(s)?
• Your proudest accomplishment?
• Your most terrifying moment?
• Your epic fail at work, school, sports, life?
• Top three spiritual lessons that you’ve learned?

Do you remember learning about the fruits of the spirit in church? Think about the times when you didn’t exemplify love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control.

Jot down the times:

• When you should have shown love, but instead showed hate.
• When you were sad and you should have been joyful.
• When you were upset instead of at peace.
• When you were impatient instead of being patient.
• When you were unkind instead of kind.
• When you were harsh instead of gentle.
• When you were out of control instead of controlled.

Save the file and voila–you now have a small sample of realistic emotions and responses to refer to when you get stuck in/on the emotion and actions of a scene. Better yet, they are personal memories so you don’t have to fudge the feelings, you’ve experienced them yourself.

Writing as Alena Wendall, Alena Tauriainen pens contemporary Christian romance novels that always end with a happily ever after. By day, she partners with her lifelong mate Clyde, to run the family HVAC business. She manages both business and family life with four lovable but crazy kids. She is the Retreats Coordinator for My Book Therapy. She is represented by Rachelle Gardner with Books & Such Literary Management. Visit her at alenawendall.com.