by Rachel Hauck, @RachelHauck 

Part One

I’ve been thinking about this for awhile. Bear with me as I tackle this topic in a two-part blog.

Most of us in Christian-world-view publishing leave the level of sexual experience of our romantic characters rather vague.

We’re more concerned with the emotional journey than the physical.”

Yet often we describe the hero as a “man of the world,” or “a rake, who’s at last come to his senses.” Or to faith.

We use cloaked language to describe our hero’s experiences, but only if it’s needed. More than likely we leave the sexual history of our characters to the reader’s imagination.

Over focusing on the character’s sexual experience can really limit a story, and in my opinion, lower them to their most base form.

The good news is there’s so much more to a man than his sexual proclivities.

“Can we talk about how man’s worth is not really related to his ability to score sexual partners?” — The Good Men Project

Young men are depressed, suicidal, even murderous in our hyper sexual culture because they have not or cannot “score” with a women.

Elliot Rodgers, the 22-year-old virgin shooter who killed six students in Isla Vista claimed it was “retribution” for the “injustice” of “girls (who) never desired (him) back.” – The Good Men Project.

Sex as a singular goal outside of any real, loving relationship is shallow and fleeting at best.

But we are designed for more.

SOAP BOX: The main pleasure of sex is the intimacy. There is no intimacy with a one-time partner. Strangers, even naked ones, do not communicate well. The woman often does not  communicate how she feels or what’s happening with her. And the man, so intent on his goal of “getting some,” never asks.

Despite what we read in romance novels, sexual harmony takes time. The whole casual-sex mind set taints the glorious intention of God’s design.

I’m struck by Paul’s words, “He who joins with a harlot makes himself one with her.” I Corinthians 6.

Sex has all kinds of emotional, spiritual and physical ramifications. Why not consider those as part of the story?

TRUTH: Sex, no matter how it happens, joins two people together. It’s the honeymoon, not the wedding vows that make a couple “one.”

However, we’re human. We’re not perfect. I know, newsflash, right? We make mistakes. We have wrong beliefs, wrong views, or worse, wounds we try to heal with physical encounters. We’re weak and selfish. Or just plain lustful.

So how can we shine a more holy light on the beauty and gift of sex in our stories? How can we recast the male protagonist as masculine, strong, heroic yet chaste?

Historically and traditionally, in life and literature, women are virginal and men are well, randy, and pursuing base pleasures with no regard to commitment.

Until they meet “the one.”

Then she is so alluring and powerful, he tosses all previous desires to sleep around and vows eternal fidelity to her.

But why can’t he hold himself in reserve for the intimacy and value of the marriage bed? He’s waiting for the woman he will live with, protect, serve, and raise children?

Is there anything more sexy than two people sharing their first sexual experience together on their wedding night? In a place where NO ONE but those two have ever gone or ever will go?

Star Trek would have nothing on them. 😉

In The Love Letter, Chloe says, “Marriage is one place where no one can go but you and your spouse.”

I’d not thought much about the male virgin until The Writing Desk. The heroine, Chloe, lived with her boyfriend until they went their separate ways.

When she met and fell for the hero, Jonas, she was ready to bed him. Yet in the heat of passion, he backed away.

Here’s a clip from the book:

He stopped just shy of letting his hands wander to intimate places, pushing to his feet with a heavy exhale.

“Good night, Tenley.”

“Jonas,” she whispered. “You can stay.”

“Ha-ha, no, no. I can’t. I’ve been pulling a Tim Tebow my whole life, waiting for the right girl and marriage. Yea, I know, no one does that these days.”

“But don’t you want—”

“More than I want to breathe. More than I want to wake up in the morning.” He pressed his hand to his heart. “I’m an inferno. But I have to do this right. I want to do it right. I have to honor my own vows to the Lord.” He peered away from her, a soft blush on his cheeks. “It’s hard to explain but—”

“Read the Book.” How could she be disappointed? He was willing to sacrifice his desires for One greater.

I fell in love with Jonas in that moment. He’d made a vow to himself and to God to wait for sex until marriage. He chose the higher value. He understood waiting brought him a greater and more permanent pleasure than one slaked in the heat of the moment.

Above all, he HONORED Tenley. She offered herself but he raised her up and esteemed her by turning her away from him and toward the Lord.

In the era of #metoo why are we not seeing more and more of these kinds of heroes?

“Love is not selfish. Love does not seek its own.” 1 Corinthians 13

 

As writers we have an opportunity to write incredible male protagonists who are strong, handsome, kind, even a bit brooding if we want, yet who are self controlled and honoring to women.

The hero honoring the heroine sexually is about as powerful a hero as you can get. If he’s willing to honor a woman with his physical desires, he will honor her in all areas of his life.

Next time, we’ll talk about the characteristics of the male virgin and hear from some of your favorite authors.

Until then… Go Write Something Brilliant.