“So, I see that you missed me last week, now, tell me how to write those emotional layers.”

I sat down at the coffee shop and Sally was already there, pen in hand, drinking a tall latte.

“You read my blogs from last week?”

“I don’t appreciate you having coffee without me, but yes,” Sally said, but she wink. “You talked about the different layers of emotions, and drilled down to the last layer, the Soul Deep layer, or a Word picture/Symbolic layer. So…how do I write that?” She lifted her pen, poised it over her notebook and raised an eyebrow.

I laughed. “There are 3 ways to work in that symbolism into a scene. Today we’ll talk about the first: Storyworld!

Here’s is a passage from my current historical, Baroness. Note the way I build in the 5 senses. 

The car splashed water onto the sidewalk, dribbling mud onto her dress, her stockings. (touch and sound) She probably looked like a street waif, bedraggled, dirty, starving. Her hair hung in strings around her face and she hadn’t stopped to retrieve her coat as she escaped The Valeria. She had however, fled with the pearls, an oversight Cesar wouldn’t forget either.

            The car turned at the corner, and she stepped out of the alleyway and quick walked down the street. The sun had begun to turn the day dismal and gray, the sky overcast with the pallor of death. (I use a metaphor here, as well a specific sight) Rain spit upon her skin, and a cruel wind licked through her soggy, ruined dress. (Touch) The rain had stirred the dank smells of dirt and rot from the alleyways, (Smell) and she could still taste the tinny rinse of blood in her mouth from where Cesar slapped her. (Taste) 

I’m trying to create a sense of desperation, so I use words like: Dribbling, dismal, gray, pallor of death, spit, cruel, licked through her, soggy, ruined, dank smells, rot, tinny rinse of blood. Hopefully it helps us understand how she feels. Note I never name the emotion.

Think: Why do we get scared when a character walks down a creepy basement? We don’t even need to know that she’s afraid (in fact, sometimes we’re more afraid than she is). It’s the setting that makes us afraid. This is a way to trick your reader into feeling what your character is feeling by describing the world through their eyes, and inserting the right words to convey that emotion.

Try this:

1. Pick verbs that convey the emotion – dread, fear, sorrow, joy, peace, hope…

2. Use specific and revealing nouns when describing a scene – the nouns that will convey the most emotions – waif, blood.

3. Find one metaphor that you can use to interject into the scene that captures both the feeling of the scene, and the emotion you want to convey. e.g. sky overcast with the pallor of death.

“Here’s what I do – I write the scene. Then I go through and change the verbs to match the mood. I delete any verbs that aren’t focused, and any nouns that aren’t conveying the emotions in the scene. Then, I look around and find one metaphor from the scene that I can apply to evoke the emotion of the scene.

“Let’s take Darla on the plane, a story I used last week. We might use the stuffy, conditioned air almost a noxious gas poisoning her as she walks one to the plane. The seat belt, pining her to the seat, the row and row of fellow victims, all surrendering their lives into the hands of an unseen protector, not unlike worshippers kneeling before an altar. Then the door closes, forever enclosing them inside, like a tomb.

“I don’t know about you, but with those kind of verbs, nouns and metaphors, I want to run down the aisle screaming, and make them open the door.”

Sally laughed. “No more flying for me.”

“Stick around, Sally. Tomorrow I’ll tell you how to use other Voices and especially Action to show emotions.”

Truth: Setting is a powerful way to build in the soul-deep emotional layer for your character by embedding into the setting powerful sensory words that “trick” your reader into feeling what your character feels.

Dare: Don’t name the emotion – instead, what specific nouns and active verbs can you use to build your storyworld that conveys the emotional state of your character?

Stop back tomorrow for more emotional layering tips!

Susie May