Italics and Internal Monologue can be very confusing. I write in Deep POV, so for those who employ this technique, here are some hints that might help. 

If you’re writing in Deep POV, which many authors are today, remember that you’re in a character’s pov, so anything they think, feel, see or hear filters through their head and directly onto the page.  Thus, if it doesn’t have quotation marks around it, it is internal and should not be in italics.

The only time you need italics is when the character is remembering another voice in their head, or they are unable to voice the words they are speaking.  For example if a person is remembering something their mother, their pastor, their friend, or even something they read, it is another “voice” in their head and goes into italics.  Likewise, if they are watching someone leave from across the room and are unable to say, Stop, don’t go! all the while screaming it in their head – that also would follow the italic rule.

Think of internal monologue as a memory or another voice speaking inside your head and you’ll get it right. 

Now that the italic issue is settled, here are my rules of thumb when using internal monologue:

If your story is in third person, the internal monologue should be in third person.

Consider this thought inside a third person passage.  The hero is watching his girl leave and suddenly:  I really don’t want her to leave, because if she does leave I’ll be alone and back where I started.

This thought feels jarring for the reader, because it’s in first person.    

Try: He didn’t want her to leave. Not really. Because then where would he be? 

Do you see the difference? This third person version keeps us in the correct tense and in the POV character’s thought.   

When writing in deep third POV, this rule applies to notations like “He thought”  or “He wondered.” You know who is thinking the thought, so it’s not necessary.

i.e. : Did he really want her to leave? No, he thought.

Try: Did he really want her to leave? No.

***

Not: He always took a good thing and tore it to pieces, he thought about himself. 

But: He always took a good thing and tore it to pieces.

And you can give it even more impact by converting interior monologue into a question. 

Not: He wondered why he always took a good thing and tore it to pieces.

Better: Why did he always take a good thing and tear it to pieces?  

How do you use Internal Monologue and Tone of Voice for maximum impact?

Internal monologue, then, is about what the POV character is thinking – wishing they could say, but can’t.  It’s the secrets they really can’t put on the page, or the voices in their head that are reminding them of past conversations.

Internal monologue can also act at the motivator for the next thing that comes out of their mouth.  If your character is going to stay or do something that the reader might not agree with, give them a  good reason to do so by adding in a line of internal monologue.  Then, your reader will get behind them, even if they don’t agree with them.  Even if they want them to throw the casserole right into the cheatin’ hubby’s nice dress shirt.

Quick Skills Questions:

• What is my character thinking right now, and how does it influence what he/she says next?
• What can your character say under his/her breath, or even internally that adds tension to the scene. (hint – it would be something they wouldn’t want the other person in the room to hear!)

Hope this helps as you craft your dialogue!

Have a great writing week!

Susie May

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