A glorious blue sky beckoned me onto the porch of the coffee shop where a light summer breeze rustled the impatiens in the containers, the tangy scent of deep friend donuts scenting the air. I took a sip of coffee, waiting for Sally, watching the lazy caress of the waves upon the rocky shoreline, listened to gulls cheering on the tourists.
Today, I would talk to Sally about using storyworld to build emotions. A great story is about connecting with the reader at an emotional level. We want them to feel what the character feels and thus engage in their experience on the page.
Storyworld helps build the emotional engagement. How? With the right use of nouns and verbs, and the way they are woven together, the reader receives an impression, even subtle, about the mood of the scene.
We talked last week about how POV affects how someone describes a location. Their mood, reason for being there and even focus affects how they describe the place.
This is the foundation when you consider how to build emotions into the scene. Once you have determined how your POV character feels, you can begin to embed these emotions into the scene, subtly, using the right nuance of words.
*****
In this scene, which was a sunny bright day, I wanted to hint at danger lurking in the caves and contrast it with the recklessness of Dino. Notice the verbs and nouns I use to infer this. (This excerpt is taken from Sons of Thunder, which won a 2011 Carol Award).
~
Lucien then disappeared, of course, into the maw of the whitewashed caves that tumbled from the cliffs straight into the sea.
Indeed, the sea beckoned, the azure blue nearly hypnotic with its lure, and on a different day, Markos, too, might have surrendered to the chase. After all, he’d been bred for the taste of salt on his chapped lips.
Not today. “Lucien!”
Dino stepped up, a bare foot curled around the edge of the boat.
“Dino—you’re not going after him. You’re not strong enough—the waves will smash you against the opening.”
“I’m not afraid, Markos.”
Markos put warning into his eyes. “It’s too dangerous.”
How Markos hated Whistler’s Drink.
Even if Dino managed to swim into the puckered lips of the cavern, the cave had already begun to fill and soon would engulf the escape, perhaps purge any air supply from the deep veins inside. Moreover, once inside, the cauldron could grab Dino’s lanky body and thrash it against the rocks. Worse, legend spoke of tunnels that channelled inland, emerged into the lush olive groves overlooking the city, and enticed young divers to lose their lives in the twisted channels.
“I know he went into the caves—I’m going after him.” Dino poised now on the boat’s rim, one hand on the mast for balance, his eyes shining.
“No.”
“I’ll be right back!” As slick as a sardine, Dino sliced the water, a clean dive to the bottom of the sea.
“Dino!” But the boy was a fish, and slipped away, toward the overhanging tongue of rock that lapped the water.
****
Here’s a scene from the same book. I wanted to insert the feeling of desire and temptation.
~
“Hedy, how long have you known Jimmy?”
Markos sat facing the door, inside the cramped quarters of her private dressing room at the Blue Moon. The place swam with her perfume, the cloying smell of a woman’s clothing. He’d wanted to park himself outside, in the hallway, but Jimmy had come by that first night, seen him loitering on the wrong side of her door, and nearly took off his head.
Now, he just tried not to glance in the mirror, where the bright bulbs illuminated her array of make-up pots, jewelry, and discarded headdresses. Or the hosiery that hung over the top of the dressing screen.
~
Note how I use a strong image, almost like her legs hanging over the top.
*****
In this scene, I wanted to draw out the sense of fatigue and being overwhelmed as Dino (a doctor) tells his brother that one of his men died.
~
“Please tell me Private Burke is alive.” Markos sat propped against the rocky wall, away from the chaos of the courtyard, his fingers in a can of C-rations—what might be beef stew but looked just as appetizing as one of the muddy bogs indenting the French countryside. Smoke bit the air, the glow from burning houses or tires pulsing against the night. In the courtyard, men smoked cigarettes, coughing, slapping at mosquitoes. Firelight lit their faces, brutal shadows hollowing their eyes.
Dino stared at his clean hands, at the way they shook. Fisted them. “I’m sorry, Markos. He was in bad shape.”
*****
And in this scene, I wanted to show the sense of danger and fear of the German presence in their Greek island.
~
The wind scraped from the wooden dock the briny odor of fish and seaweed, rustled the grove of calamus reeds along the shore. She pulled her knitted sweater tighter over her thin cotton dress, the air having turned cool with the desertion of the sun. Gooseflesh raised on her arms. Somewhere in the darkness, waves knocked against the bright red hulls of fishing boats tied up at the long piers in the bay. Farther out, the beady lights of a German transport peered into the starless night.
A spotlight sliced through the night from the hilltop overlooking the city, sliding over the faraway cliffs, the blue cupolas of the Greek Orthodox churches, the tall bell tower, the whitewashed homes that flowed up the mountainside, between Cyprus, and willows, aspen, and poplar. What had been a village exploded into a small city over her ten-year absence, and she’d donned a black scarf and slipped back into her life, her scars folded neatly inside.
Now, she pressed herself against the building, even as footsteps shuffled toward her.
“Sofia?”
****
As you describe the world of your characters, every word adds nuance to the mood of the scene. Figure out the emotion you want to convey and build it into the background by the subtle use of strong verbs and nouns, the occasional symbolic image.
Sally came up on the porch, holding a blended coffee, whipped cream spilling down the sides. She dropped her bag on the deck, plunked herself down in an Adirondack chair, put her feet up on the bench, closed her eyes.
“You just let me know when you want to start working,” I said.
Truth: Every word counts in your story, and they way you weave your storyworld can create an emotional backdrop to your scene and add the first emotional layer to your scene.
Dare: Edit a scene, first identifying the emotion, and then honing your verbs and nouns to create a powerful backdrop of emotion.
Tomorrow, in Quick Sills, we’ll touch on the 5 senses, and a checklist on how to build those into your storyworld to make it come to life.
Happy Writing!
Susie May
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