So, the last few weeks we’ve been talking about Character change – bringing him through the various steps, until he’s finally on his knees, (black moment)  realizes what he needs to sacrifice to change, (epiphany) accepts the truth, and then emerges a new man to test his resolve and fight his final battle. 

 

Awesome.  Lot’s of great theory and structure there.  Now, let’s get specific with scene building for a bit here.   We’ve already covered Scenes and Sequels (go to the articles section to read more) as well as action objectives.  We’ve also talked about sizzling dialogue, paring your backstory to a minimum, and using strong sensory words to create mood.  So let’s talk about how you put those elements together. 

 

It’s about beat, and drawing the reader inside the character’s head, and using your sentence structure to create the right pace/emotions. 

 

First, as you enter the scene, regardless the kind of scene (action (scene) or reaction (sequel)) you need to set it up so the reader can keep up with what is in your head:

 

1.       Start with Setting and the Current State of Affairs (response from previous scene)

 

2.       Then establish the Goals of the scene (What do they hope to accomplish?)  Of course, sometimes the character doesn’t even know…but you as the author know and you want to hint at it.  For example, a woman comes home from her husband’s funeral.  She doesn’t know that the purpose of the scene is to find his secret will hidden under the mattress.  No, her goal is to just go upstairs and deal with her emotions. During which, she gets so upset she rips all the sheets off the bed…revealing the envelope containing the will.  However, as the author, you might say, in the beginning of the scene, something along the lines of:  Of course, he’d left her with nothing but a giant mortgage, a three year old and a fixer-up list that could wallpaper her cold bedroom.  Her goal might be to:  she just wanted to go upstairs and climb into bed, maybe never emerge.   If you establish these at the beginning of the scene, it sets up the elements you can use to cause conflict, and dilemmas with which to end the scene. 

 

3.      Don’t forget to fortify the Motivations of your characters action/decisions.  A woman who has a houseful of guests after a funeral probably isnt’ going to go to bed.  BUT, after her mother-in-law says something terribly harsh (and esp. if they have a bad relationship), she might go HIDE in her room.  And have a bit of a emotional breakdown.  Establish the motivations for every action/decision. 

 

4.      NOW, you have the Action of the scene.  This is where you pay particular attention to the cadence and beat of the sentences, pick out the specific words to create emotion.  If your character’s thoughts are running over each other, or if you have a lot of chaotic action, you may want to consider a run on sentence with a few fragments thrown in.   (English teachers should probably avert their eyes from this paragraph).  Likewise, if you have a lot of quick, sharp action, use shorter, more succinct sentences.  Even one word sentences. 

 

To really add pop to a scene, sometimes I create one word paragraphs.  The key is to create mood and feeling from the way you use your words and sentence structure.

 

Now, because I write Thrillers, I chose a HIGH ACTION scene.  Tomorrow, we’ll dissect a slower scene using the same techniques.

 

This is from Wiser than Serpents, where Yanna and David escape from Kwan, her captor. 

 

 

Think, Yanna, think!  Yanna stared up at David, at the horror on his face as he clutched her stupid little knife and her brain went blank.  Aside from being exactly the last scenario she would have conjured up for meeting David again, she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that right now his brain was checking out every possible egress route from the tiny boat cabin, every possible angle where he wouldn’t have to blow his cover to save her life. 

            And probably coming up empty.

 

[Setting, and Current State of affairs, goals]

 

            Contrary to current appearances, Yanna made her living using her brain and solving problems.  And from her viewpoint, David had only one option. 

            Kill her, or be killed. 

            And, neither of those seemed acceptable.  At least, not to her.   

[Motivation for decision/action]

 

            Yanna caught eyes with David.  And then, with everything inside her, she kicked out at Kwan’s gun hand. 

            She connected in a bone-jarring crunch.  The gun fired, missing David’s head, or where his head had been because the moment she exploded, he turned her cute little knife on Ying, or maybe Yang – whomever, because Chinese thug went down, bleeding from the neck. 

 

[a mix of shorter sentences with one long run-on sentence designed to show that a lot of action happened all at once, too difficult to separate out]

 

            Yanna followed with an inside kick to Kwan’s knee.  He collapsed, but not before he grabbed her arm, pulling her with him. 

            She landed on top of him, pinning him with her chair.  Kwan grabbed her hair. 

 

[shorter, succinct sentences, a sequence of actions]

 

            She looked up just in time to see her knife go spinning across the floor, knocked from David’s hand by Yang.  But David dispatched him in two blows, and in a second, he’d picked up Yang’s gun. 

            Then, for a moment, all Yanna heard were three people, breathing hard. 

[Again, a run-on sentence that almost feels as if you are out of breath.  Punctuation gives the reader a chance to breathe, and I wanted to make it feel breathless.  But then, I slowed the scene to a screeching halt with a “for a moment” beat.]

 

            “Let her go.” David pointed the gun at Kwan.  “I won’t ask twice.” 

            Outside, shouts, running could be heard.

            “You’ll be dead long before they get here,” David added.

Kwan released her hair.  “You’re the dead man.”

David pulled Yanna to her feet, helped her wiggle from the chair.  Before he could force the handcuff key from Kwan, the door burst open. 

            “Run!”  David pushed Yanna ahead of him, towards another door. 

Yanna stumbled through it to a narrow hallway.  

            Shots fired behind her as David burst through the door, slammed it behind him.  “Run!” 

 

[I restarted the action with a series of shorter sentences, crisp dialogue.  The things that took a little more time, (like helping Yanna to her feet, helping her wiggle from the chair), I made into a compound, slower sentence.  When we needed more movement, I shortened the sentences. And, things that happened all at once, I gave simultaneous movement to (shots fired…as…)]

 

 

            Yanna fought for balance, her hands cuffed behind her.  She reached the stairs and stumbled up them. 

            Twilight, the sun setting on the far horizon, turning the ocean to fire, beckoned from the bow of the yacht. 

 

[I set off the setting in its own paragraph because I imagined her stumbling up the steps, blinking into the sunlight, and I wanted it to sort of sideswipe her for a moment. ]

 

            David had her by the arm, running, pulling her, now flinging her right over the edge into the frothy depths. 

 

[Again, movement so quick she can’t separate the actions, so I used a string of sequentials all in the same sentence.]

 

            Cold! The ocean gulped her whole, sucking her under, stinging as she went down.  She kicked, and kicked, surfaced with a greedy gulp of air. 

 

[I used the one word, Cold!  Abrupt and with an exclamation point to emphasize the impact.  Then, again, I let the ocean suck her under and overwhelm her by a longer sentence.  Note the section sentence is three almost separate sentences, strung together.  If I had used and AND conjunction in that last sentence, it would have slowed it, and I still wanted to keep the action fast.]

 

 

            And David was right there, arm around her waist, pulling her against him.  “Kick!” 

            Yeah, okay.  She coughed, but kicked, letting David drag her against the hull of the yacht.  Above, voices yelled, clearly searching for them. 

            “Shh.”  David’s voice, his cheek rested against hers, his voice calm, as if they might be out for a leisurely swim.  “Stay calm.” 

 

[Now, I wanted to slow the action, give the reader a chance to breathe.  Notice I used the word ‘rested’ – almost as subliminal cue for the reader to breathe. ]

 

The key to writing a HIGH ACTION scene is to write it like the character is experiencing it, while still allowing the reader moments to breathe/catch up.  Try writing it without the rules (here’s hoping the English teachers still aren’t looking).  Write it how it feels.  You can always go back in and clean it up later.

 

And don’t forget, whatever you do, end the scene with a new dilemma…

 

Yanna stared up at David, breathing for the first time.  He braced one knee on the seat, both hands on the wheel, glancing back over his shoulder now and again.  The wind parted his long dark hair, which sailed out behind him, and, in his flamboyant silk shirt and wet jeans – which had torn somehow in their great escape – he looked uncannily like some modern day pirate. 

            All he needed was a tattoo. 

            And, look at that.  As his shirt flapped open in the breeze, what did she see but the etchings of a design.  An eagle.  

            David Curtiss had turned into a scallywag. 

            She looked up at him, and for a split second couldn’t help but smile. 

            Apparently, however, he had the demeanor of a pirate, too, because he frowned back.  “We’re not outta trouble yet, Yanna.”  Then his eyes softened, and something so much like relief filled his eyes, she felt herself completely wordless. 

            Well, at least one of them was still in serious, way-over-her-head big trouble, indeed. 

 

*grin* Okay – now, Go to VOICES and post YOUR high action scene in the SCENES discussion.  Let’s learn together!  See you tomorrow!