Stirling McRae should have known he couldn’t escape his duty, even deep inside the forests of northeastern Alaska, a hundred miles from civilization.

No, it found him in the form of a grimy terrorist in an orange hunting vest and cap. Only, said terrorist hadn’t a prayer of escaping the McRae brothers. At least that’s what Mac told himself as another branch slapped him across the face and he plowed through a bramble of thistle berry.

So much for having some hang time with his brother. Brody would probably deck him the next time Mac suggested they go fishing together.

~~

That’s the HOOK paragraph of my book Expect the Sunrise. It’s in the prologue, so I have another powerful hook in Chapter 1, but this sets the tone of the entire book. It’s about terrorists, and the panic of stopping them before they succeed…and how it blindsides Mac when he’s least expecting it.

Let’s see if this hook has the SHARP elements that we talked about yesterday:

Stakes:
~ No, it found him in the form of a grimy terrorist in an orange hunting vest and cap. Only, said terrorist hadn’t a prayer of escaping the McRae brothers

I tapped into the public stakes of wanting to keep our country safe. Later in the scene, Brody is shot, and the stakes become very personal.

Hero/Heroine Identification:
~Stirling McRae should have known he couldn’t escape his duty… No, it found him… So much for having some hang time with his brother. Brody would probably deck him the next time Mac suggested they go fishing together. ~
I wanted to touch the “work-a-holic” in us that says we can’t leave email, or our blackberries, or our work concerns behind.

Anchoring:
~ deep inside the forests of northeastern Alaska, a hundred miles from civilization… branch slapped him across the face and he plowed through a bramble of thistle berry.

We know it’s the Alaskan bush, in the summer (because there is not snow, and they’re going fishing), so that’s When, Where, Who (the McRae brothers), What (fishing), Why (they’ve seen a terrorist in hunting garb – strange, because it’s not hunting season).

On the RUN:
~ At least that’s what Mac told himself as another branch slapped him across the face and he plowed through a bramble of thistle berry.

Obviously, Mac is already on the chase when we start this scene.

Problem/Story Question:
~ At least that’s what Mac told himself

The Problem/Question for this book is…can Mac trust his instincts? Is he right? This question is central as the main plot for the story opens (Mac suspects there is a terrorist aboard his airplane).

So – broken down, this hook has the 6 elements that make it SHARP. Hopefully, it’s also intriguing!

Now, of course this is a Suspense Romance kind of hook. SO – let’s look at a Chick Lit Hook, and see if we can find the SHARP Elements:

This is from my upcoming (July!) Josey book, Get Cozy, Josey.

It’s on account of the jellyfish that I ended up in Siberia. That, and a can a Pringles, a volleyball and two very sloppy plumbere vanilla ice cream cones that ended up down the front of my Tasmanian devil pajamas.

But probably I should tell the entire story of how Chase not only talked me into moving to the backside of the world, where the snow crests off the tundra like whirling dervishes, where a person can literally freeze her nose off her face, and where people eat pig fat for snacks, but also how it made me reach deep inside myself to find more of me than I’d ever dreamed.

Stakes – Hopefully, it’s the word….SIBERIA. But I also build in some of the negatives…
~backside of the world, where the snow crests off the tundra like whirling dervishes, where a person can literally freeze her nose off her face, and where people eat pig fat for snacks…

we are intrigued (hopefully) as to how she can survive that.

Hero/Heroine Identification:
I use a simple description of a normal person in a yucky situation to put us all our most embarrassing moments…

~ a volleyball and two very sloppy plumbere vanilla ice cream cones that ended up down the front of my Tasmanian devil pajamas.

Anchoring: Where/When: Well, the use of the jellyfish, and the Russian ice-cream tells us it’s somewhere in Russia where this is an ocean, probably in summer. What – playing volleyball. Who – Josey. Why? Chase will talk her into moving…

On the Run: We open with her already having been talked into the scheme, and telling us her story. We also have a hint of the inciting incident (which includes a jellyfish, volleyball, ice-cream and her Taz jammies).

Problem/Story Question: How will she survive, and what did she find when she reached deep inside herself to do so?

It’s not high-action, but it still contains all the SHARP elements.

This week, take your hook apart and see if it needs SHARPENING. Try it out over at VOICES – and see if they can help make it sharper! I’m off to Arkansas!