Let’s get dirty…

I have three brave souls willing to go under the Doc’s knife today to benefit us all – I feel like we’re on Greys, sitting in the observation gallery as McDreamy carves into a brain…

Except, well, I’m not McDreamy. I’m more of the new woman Cardiothroasic surgeon…except everyone hates her, and I really don’t want to be hated….

So, bad example.

Let’s just look at the premises…

Premise 1: It’s the roaring twenties and Evie Kimball bucks a life of wealth and privilege for big dreams and true love. Naively believing she can have it all, Evie leaves her true love waiting in the wings and sets off for the bright lights of Broadway. As the Great Depression envelopes New York, Evie returns home ready to make amends with the one she left behind. But love doesn’t wait forever and Evie finds a hopelessness greater than that which the loss of fame and fortune has already brought her. Eventually, Evie reclaims some semblance of the good life and focuses on raising her family, but secrets and unforgiveness are always there threatening her happiness and tearing apart her family. So, on the eve of her one hundredth birthday celebration, Evie sets about to break the legacy of despair that has plagued her family for three generations.

I love roaring twenties books! And this one sounds very epic. It also sounds like the story might start on her 100th birthday, and we got a great introductory blurb about her backstory…

Let’s go through the 6 steps and see what we can do to restructure it a bit:
Step 1 – Evie Kimball – socialite, heiress, dreamer, aspiring actress – Probably the actress characterization is the strongest in this lineup.
Step 2 – She dreams of being an actress, and naively believes true love will wait.
Step 3 – Conflict – the Great Depression, and her true love doesn’t wait. (there is no hero pov here)
Step 4 – She marries someone else, and secrets and unforgiveness threaten to tear about her family’s happiness
Step 5 – Can she learn to forgive before it’s too late?

One of the interesting elements is the legacy of despair – I think that is an angle that could really be explored…

So, let’s put it together.

Aspiring Actress Evie Kimball is dazzled by the bright lights of Broadway. Believing her true love will wait, she heads to New York, only to return years later to her hometown, empty and broken, thanks to the sweeping despair of the Great Depression. Worse, her love has chosen another – something she can’t forgive. Despite the fact that she marries, and has a family, she seems destined to live a life of broken-heartedness, like her mother, and grandmother. Will she learn, before it’s too late, how to forgive?

I left out the 100 year old birthday, because maybe that’s not the crux of the story, and I brought in the legacy of despair. I also put it in active voice, which adds energy, as well as added some punch words (Step 6) : dazzled, empty, broken, sweeping. Hopefully they add just a bit of color to the premise.

Premise 2: A Regency!

Because of the lecherous Bailiff who once accosted her, Annabel is afraid of men and horrified at the thought of marrying. Instead, she dreams of becoming a nun and of one day being allowed to read the Holy Writ. When her family’s debts cause her to become indentured to wealthy Lord Ranulf, all hope seems lost.
Lord Ranulf is shocked by his feelings for his new servant. After being mauled and disfigured by a wolf at age sixteen, no one as beautiful as Annabel could want him. Didn’t his dead wife prove that? When a murder in his village hangs a cloud of suspicion over Lord Ranulf, his silence will protect Annabel but may cost him his life

Step 1 – Annabel – afraid of men, abused, wounded, devout, indentured.
Step 2 – She dreams of being a nun, and reading the Bible, but she isn’t free.
Step 3 – Lord Ranulf — disfigured, and widowed. He is in love with his servant girl. He could have her if he wanted her – but true love says that he grant her dreams.
Step 4 – in order to protect her, he must take the blame for a murder he didn’t commit.
Step 5 – will he, because of love, lose his heart as well as his life?

All indentured servant Annabel St. Francis* wants to do is become a nun. After all, that will not only allow to her hide herself away, reading the Holy Writ, but she’ll never again be hurt by a man like the lecherous Bailiff. Widower Lord Ranulf can’t believe he’s fallen for his servant – especially since he knows she can never love someone as disfigured as he. When tragedy strikes in his village and the locals accuse him of murder, his silence may buy her the freedom she longs for. Just how much should he sacrifice in the name of love?

*I took liberties with her last name.
Not knowing the author’s intent – if they fall in love or not, I chose to craft this premise as one-sided romance. If you wanted to make it more traditional, you could add, as a last line:

And when Annabel discovers his plan to free her, will her heart finally find a voice?

Or something to suggest she’s in love with him too.
Step 6 – hide, fallen, buy, sacrifice… again, giving the feeling of indentured servanthood, and nunneries.

Premise 3: Our final entry is a Romantic Suspense (yay, my genre!)

Danielle Sloan is looking for hope and love. Hope for a future. Suffering from a long term illness for the past 7 years has left her broken- in spirit and body. Her hope hits an all time low when she is brutally raped. She is rescued by her brother-in-law’s friend, Sawyer Grant.

Sawyer Grant is a complicated man. And harboring hatred for his deceased father for over 20 years now hasn’t helped any. Sawyer didn’t know how his life would overturn when he rescued his friends sister. Now, he’s in over his head trying to keep her alive from a man who is determined to end Danielle’s life. But the biggest risk he will take is losing his heart.

Step 1: Danielle Sloan – rape victim, ill, broken…
Step 2: She wants to be healed of her infirmities, mind and body.
Step 3: Sawyer Grant – rescuer, friend, embittered, protector. He wants to learn to forgive.
(I don’t know his goals, so I’m going to make a couple up. He seems like he wants to be alone with his harboring hatred, so let’s make him a sailor, with a sailboat. *g* but now he has this girl who needs him.)
Step 4: Being forced to help someone else teaches him that he needs people – and that starts with forgiving his father.
Step 5: Can he forgive, and make room in his heart for a woman who needs him?

Rape victim Danielle Sloan is broken in body and spirit – and if it weren’t for Sawyer Grant, she’d also be dead. Now, she’s running for her life, right towards the man who just wants to sail off into the sunset, alone. Recluse sailor Sawyer Grant can’t believe one act of chivalry overturned his entire life. Now he’s trying to keep a sick woman out of the clutches of a killer. But perhaps she’s not the one who’s really sick. In fact, could it be that a broken, terrified woman is exactly what Sawyer needs to learn to forgive, and become again, whole?

Step 6: dead, alone, clutches, whole.

Hopefully those examples gave an insight on how to refine your premise, at least enough to know the themes and conflict of the story, and set you on the right direction in your journey! Thank you to Jean, Melanie and Jenna who offered their stories for our examination! Hopefully that didn’t hurt too much. *grin* I can’t wait to read them someday!

Tomorrow I’ll give you an ASSIGNMENT. (Should you choose to accept it…this blog will self destruct…oh, no wait, that’s for tomorrow…. )

Happy Premising! (When you’re an author, you get to make up words!)