Question: As I’m writing my wip, I find myself having to describe character’s emotional responses (show don’t tell!) but it’s being difficult to be original every time. What is a good way for describing emotional responses with originality?
Answer: I love this question because it’s all about going deeper with your characterization, and really drawing the reader into the story in a way that connects. I believe there are levels to portraying emotion. The first, of course, is the most basic, just the facts. “He was angry.” Of course, this is boring, and holds the reader the farthest away.
Second level is involving the body. “Anger filled his throat.” Not bad, because we can understand how that might choke someone, but again, it keeps the reader at arm’s length, unable to relate.
A third level is involving the visceral responses. “His throat clogged with emotions that cut off his words.” Now, we are closer, the emotions remain unnamed, allowing the reader to imagine for himself the array of emotions that might cut off words.
In all these examples, we are getting further away in each step of telling the reader what to think. I few really want a reader to engage with a character’s emotions, we need to put them inside the character’s skin.
Step one: No emotion is pure — every emotion has corresponding “colors.” For example, let’s say the anger above was prompted by someone breaking into your house. That emotion might also contain feelings of helplessness, and revenge. But if the anger is from a spouse cheating, it might also contain the emotions of loss and betrayal. Find out what other emotions are embedded in the main emotion.
Step two: Chose one of the coloring emotions to focus on as you draw out the scene, What metaphor could you use to convey that emotion?
Step three: Create a scene without naming any of the emotions, or visceral responses.
Here’s a try:
“Honey,” she said, turning to him, a perfect smile upon her beautiful face. “Could you hand me the ornament.”
He took the ornament out of the box. Our First Christmas. His wife had inserted their picture, the one taken in Cancun. They looked stupidly happy, captured at the height of their naiveté, foolishly grinning into the future.
He watched her now, decorating the tree, dressed in red, wearing the sweater he’d given her last year for Christmas. She was humming.
Joy to the World.
“Honey?”
He look up at her, and, not breaking her gaze, dropped the ornament to the floor and slowly ground it beneath his foot.
Joy to the World, indeed.
Hopefully you heard his hurt, his feelings of betrayal, and finally his anger. Most of all, I used the metaphor that showed how he felt she’d destroyed their past and all the happy futures.
Involving your reader in the character’s experience will keep your scenes fresh, and from writing tired emotions that keep your reader at arm’s length.
Stop by tomorrow – we’ll be talking more about the colors of emotions!