by Tari Faris, @FarisTari
If you are reading this blog, then we have something in common—we want to write. Not only do we want to write at this moment in time, we want to write for years to come. Last month I talked about the importance of self-care for writers if we want to continue to be able to write not just now but well into the future. Because as we pour out onto the page, we need to make sure we are being poured into body, mind, and soul.
When I am speaking of self-care, it is important to establish I am not speaking of escapes, indulgences, or pleasure seeking. There is nothing wrong with such things in the right time or place, but self-care isn’t kick back and relax time. Self-care is active, work, and it is intentional.
There are many aspects of self-care for an author but this year, I am going to focus on these five:
- Physical Self-care
- Emotional Self-care
- Psychological Self-care
- Spiritual Self-care
- Professional Self-care
Last time, I dug into Physical Self-care, which is extremely important. If you didn’t read that, then I would encourage you to go back and read it.
Today, I am digging into Emotional Self-care.
Whereas Physical Self-care focused on water, movement, and nutrition, Emotional Self-care focuses on awareness, evaluation, and movement. So, let’s dive in.
AWARENESS
Emotions are rarely all good or all bad. For example, getting your first book contract feels amazing, but that gets paired with the negative emotion of the added stress of deadlines and social media expectations, and fear to fail to reach your audience. Losing a loved one feels bad, but it may be paired with the emotion that they are at peace in heaven.
This is a paradox. Or as someone once explained to me, it’s a “pair of ducks.” (Like the play on words there.) The two ducks are the “Yay-Duck” and the “Yuck-Duck.” We like to focus on the yay-ducks but it is important and healthy to recognize the yuck-ducks on our life. It is only when we choose to be aware of something and admit it, then God and others can speak truth and comfort into our lives.
Just as we don’t want to rush through and ignore the negative emotions, we also want to make sure we don’t linger there indefinitely. Let yourself feel deeply then move on to step two . . .
EVALUATE
Is there a lie in the Yuck-Duck or even in the Yay-Duck? Going back to the book contract emotion, that is a big Yay-Duck. What is your emotion? “I’ve made it.” What is the lie in that statement? One contract doesn’t guarantee another. Life as a writer is full of ups and downs. Truth: You have made a huge step in your career and that is worth celebrating.
Same with the “Yuck-Duck.” The Yuck-Duck of a new contract might be the added stress of deadlines, social media expectations, and the fear of failure to reach your audience. What is the lie in that Yuck-Duck? Deadlines have to be bad, you have to do everything on social media, you are a hundred percent in charge of your success or failure. What is the truth? Deadlines are a new type of stress during the writing process, but you can learn to use them to motivate you. Social media is ever-changing, and we are figuring it out together. Be confident in doing your best to reach your audience but be okay with the fact that some of it is out of your hands. (Like when your last two books of the series release during a pandemic – happened to me.)
After you evaluate, then it is time to move forward.
MOVEMENT
This isn’t the physical movement discussed in the last blog. This is moving forward emotionally in your life. This isn’t boxing up your feelings and setting them on the shelf. It isn’t wrapping them in a silver lining, putting a bow on them, and pretending all is well. Movement means staying real, just not raw. Feeling the emotions but not letting them hold you hostage. It is here where God can use us to impact someone else’s life when they are going through something similar.
Before I studied this, I saw emotional self-care as only the movement part—move on and it will be alright. But now, taking time for awareness and evaluation hasn’t just helped me be healthier emotionally but also has helped me in guiding my own children through emotional selfcare.
What are your thoughts on Emotional Self-care?
See you in May when I talk about Psychological Self-care.
Leah Williams is back in the quaint town of Heritage, Michigan, and ready to try again to make her business a success. But blank slates are hard to come by, and a piece of her past is waiting for her there. Heir to the Heritage Fruits company, Jonathan Kensington is the guy who not only made Leah’s past difficult, he also seems determined to complicate her present as well.
Jon is trying to prove to the Heritage Fruits board that he, not his manipulative uncle, should be running the business. The board insists Jon find a new owner for the building that will house Leah’s business. To avoid forcing a buyout of Leah’s part of the building, Jon strikes a compromise with Leah, and the two go into business together. With her vision and his know-how, it might work. And Leah might realize he’s loved her since high school. If only he didn’t keep on shooting himself in the foot by boxing her out of important decisions.
Sparks fly in this romantic story of two people who must learn to trust both each other and the one who called them to this journey.
Available now for preorder! And visit linktr.ee/tarifaris to sign up for preorder rewards!
Tari Faris has been writing fiction for fifteen years but has been creating fiction in her head as long as she can remember. She is represented by Wendy Lawton at Books & Such Literary Management and is a member of ACFW and My Book Therapy. She was the 2017 Genesis winner, 2016 Genesis finalist, and 2014 Genesis finalist. In addition to her writing, she also works for My Book Therapy as a special project manager and writes for LearnHowToWriteANovel.com . When she is not writing or working, she spends time with her amazing husband and kids. In her free time, she loves coffee, rockhounding with her husband and kids, and distracting herself from housework. You can connect with her at www.tarifaris.com