Yesterday, Sally and I talked about the importance of describing your Storyworld through the Point of View of the character.  I used an example from one of my favorite books, Wiser than Serpents. This scene is from the POV of the hero. See if you can pinpoint the way his attitudes are woven through the scene to give it more life.

*****

He’d never eaten deep fried frog on a stick, but David Curtiss was a patriot, and he’d do just about anything for his country.

“Shei Shei,” he said as he took the delicacy from the vendor, fished out a New Taiwan Dollar and dropped it into the vendor’s hand.

He wondered what might leave a worse taste in his mouth, fried frog, or meeting a man who had beheaded the two undercover agents that had tried this trick before David. But if all went as planned, his culinary sacrifice would lead him to the identity of Kwan-Li, leader of the Twin Serpents, the largest organized crime syndicate in eastern Asia.

The smells of night market were enough to turn even his iron gut to mush — body odor, eggs boiled in soy sauce, fresh fish and oil redolent from the nearby shipyard. Even worse, the fare offered in the busy open market sounded like something from a house of horrors menu: Grilled chicken feet, boiled snails, breaded salamander, poached pigeon eggs, and the specialty of the day — carp head soup.

“What did you get me into, Chet?” he whispered, wondering if Chet Stryker, his co-hort for his unfortunate op, were grinning at the other end of his transmitter. “Squid, or even snails, okay, but a frog?” Chet had set up this meet — and the frog signal. “Next time, you’re going to be drinking asparagus juice, buddy.” He hoped Chet’s silence meant he still had eyes on him. David hadn’t seen his partner in the forty-five minutes he’d been walking around the market — a sign of Chet’s skill, no doubt.

David looked at the brown and crispy frog and wondered if he was supposed to add condiments —he’d noticed a sort of ketchup, and horseradish at the bar.

A few more seconds and he’d have to take a bite. It wasn’t enough to just stand here and try to blend with the crowd — not an easy task given that every man who brushed by him stood around chin height. Even with David’s long black dyed hair, silk Asian shirt and designer jeans he knew he looked like a walking American billboard. Thankfully, foreigners flocked to the novelty of night market in this part of Kaohsiung in Taiwan.

He saw a couple of Americans stroll by, listened to their comments about the food, the smells. A short blonde, slightly pudgy, wearing a blue Taiwanese shirt and shorts set probably purchased in a local beach shop sucked on the straw of a Ju Ju Bee shake. Next to her, her husband was finishing off a grilled squid. Aid workers, probably — the island had a plethora of Americans working in relief and humanitarian aid agencies. Especially after the last earthquake.

He checked his watch. Kwan’s man was late. Which meant he’d have to take a bite of froggie.

He lifted the amphibian to his mouth.” I closed the book.

“Everything that happens in Night Market is through David’s eyes, as he’s waiting for his contact. Because it’s a thriller, I go right into the action, but I still want readers to know where they are.

****

Creating storyworld is more than just an overview of scenery. It’s details, and the perspective of the character in it.

Ask: What will my character see/care about as he walks into the scene? How will that be reflected in the way he sees the scene?

So, give your character something to care about, something to do, then drop them into the world and write the scene through their eyes.

Have a great writing week!

Susie May