***
Feeling along the wall, she found the edge of the secret door, camouflaged with thin stones to mimic the rest of the structure. Her right hand sought the key tucked between her bodice and under gown for silence; she’d even switched the chain that held it for a leather thong to prevent the clink of metal on metal. Her free hand groped the wall for the keyhole. Waist-high, five forearms from the corner.
She found it, and bent to slide the key inside. To the left. Chink.
Karel straightened to gain better control of the key as she used it as a doorknob to ease the door open. Quietly, if possible. The door shifted an inch, then two.
Something tickled the back of her neck. She didn’t have time for a loose hair or a spider. The sentry would round the wall soon, and . . .
She stilled. The tickle turned cold and sharp, skimming about the curve of her neck to the front. A blade at her throat. Breathing not her own.
“I’ve been expecting you, Cira Riordan.”
***
This is this week’s winning Inciting Incident – great job! Let’s look for the 6 elements of the I.I. in this vivid scene:
1. Sympathy: Her right hand sought the key tucked between her bodice and under gown for silence;
A blade at her throat. Breathing not her own.
“I’ve been expecting you, Cira Riordan.”
What we have here is Fear at being caught. We’ve all been there, haven’t we? Even if we have to think back to six years old and sneaking cookies from our mother’s cookie jar. And the fact that she’s wearing a dress, and obviously out of her element heightens that sense of sympathy.
2. Stakes: Feeling along the wall, she found the edge of the secret door, camouflaged with thin stones to mimic the rest of the structure.
She didn’t have time for a loose hair or a spider. The sentry would round the wall soon, and . . .
Obviously, she’s looking for something of great importance – we don’t know what they are, but the fact that she’s clearly risking her life, and the fact it’s been secreted away from the world gives it value. Also, the fact that should ignore a spider (ew!) tells us the task has great private states to her.
3. Motivation or Values – She found it, and bent to slide the key inside. To the left. Chink.
The fact that she has found the keyhole gives us significant motivation to think, aha! She’s right! She’s found it, which means that her courage has been rewarded! Because she’s found this first secret, we can believe there is more to the story, and gives the reader (and the heroine) motivation to continue. Also, we have a glimpse at her values here – courage!
4. Desires — bodice and under gown, leather thong, . A blade at her throat
Okay, I had to dig deep on this one – so probably the desires aspect could be added in with one easy sentence, like “Maybe she wouldn’t have to marry Lord so and so – not if she had her own fortune” or whatever the item is she’s searching for. BUT, I could surmise, from the description of what she’s wearing, and the fact that there is a blade (and not a glock) at her throat that we’re probably in a regency or some other old world time period, which gives clues to the cultural expectations for a woman, and possibly some of the desires and dreams she might have.
5. Fears — she’d even switched the chain that held it for a leather thong to prevent the clink of metal on metal.
Obviously, she doesn’t want to be found out, for many reasons – her future, her life, the stakes of the story. We see her precautions against that in this sentence.
6. Action words – I love the vivid nouns and verbs of this scene that capture the sense of “sneaking around”: camouflaged, sought, groped, eased, and then of course the wonderful: The tickle turned cold and sharp, skimming about the curve of her neck to the front.
So vivid, and I love how we go from the curious “tickle” about what is behind the door to the “cold and sharp” fear of being discovered.
This inciting incident drew me right in – I want to know what she’s looking for, why, who has captured her, and what will happen next. Great job Katie H!
If you want to work on your I.I. over the weekend, I’ll be at Voices throughout the day today – let’s talk about the 6 elements, and how we can make our I.I.’s capture our readers!
See you next week!