Cry Me A River

Telling emotion rather than showing.

Definition: Showing verses telling applies primarily to emotion. It’s the authors job to show the reader what the characters are doing and feeling. Even what the character is thinking through the action on the page.

Telling means the author is describing the emotion and reaction in the prose.

Struggling to show verses tell might mean the author doesn’t know what the characters want in the scene or the scene goal.

Showing “pictures” the emotion, pictures the action. Most authors do this well.

He slammed the door shut as he left the room.

She gunned the gas as she headed for home.

We get they are angry.

But where we get a bit lost is in showing the emotion of the scene. Let’s say the heroine has learned her fiancé has joined a group of religious fanatics and wants to move to the jungles of Peru.

What’s the emotion of the scene where they argue over their future? She tells him she won’t go. He tells her this is the only way to be saved.

Don’t tell the reader in prose she’s hurt and angry, scared for his well-being. Show them. How do you do this? Dialog and action. Description of body movements. Sights and sounds around them.

Jane felt the blood drain from her face as John repeated his intention. “I’m moving to Peru. It’s the only way.” His hard glare contained no light.

“W-what about me?”

“You can come with me if you want. I recommend you do. For your own salvation.”

“John, you can’t mean any of this,” Jane pressed the heel of her hands against her temple. “It’s insane. I don’t understand –” Tears burned in her eyes and around her heart.

“They told me you’d say that.” John moved toward the door, his footsteps quick and heavy.

“They?” Jane fired across the room, propelled by the fury in her own voice. “Who is they? Who, John? Who?”

You can see and feel the emotion of that short exchange. We get she’s upset and tense. We get that he’s hard and resolved.

A lot of times what we see is more telling.

Jane couldn’t believe what she just heard. John was moving to Peru to live in the jungle. He said it was the only way to be save. “What about me?” she asked.

“You can come. I think you should,” John said. His blue eyes watched her.

“But I don’t want to go. I want to live here.” Jane moved over to him. How could he break her heart like this? “Tell me what’s going on?”

“I’ve come to the light,” John said, turning to go. “So should you.”

Okay, that’s a nice exchange. We get what’s going on, the dilemma. But we miss the emotion. It’s telling. We don’t “get” Jane’s torment and heart break. We just read about it.

Rule: Show primarily applies to the emotion of the scene.

Workshop It: Take a scene you’ve written that lacks a bit in emotion and rewrite it to show what the characters are feeling.

(Hint, you can “tell” some things. But the emotion is shown!)